Before I opened myself to love
I sat stiff in stairwells
feeding penguins poison,
confused as to who or what I was.
I did not know to go up or down,
most of the time I tried to disappear.
I watched the people walk while
making crude judgments to nothingness.
I beat myself up behind the schoolyard,
cooked bullies breakfast,
stayed in on Saturday night,
befuddled by being, crying hard.
Before I let myself go to Mother Nature
I looked at the moon and hated her
for being so bright yet so far away.
I played in the grass and got a rash,
thought the sewer was a stream,
and came down with some fungus disease.
I screamed my throat red at invisible fiends
scared to death of the wind and trees,
thought everything was out to get me.
I pissed prayers out through my eyes,
sat at home and stared out the window all night,
waiting for something but I never knew what.
Before I let myself realize my true endless potential
I thought nothing made any sense
and I thought I was right.
I stayed home and slept all day,
watched soap operas all night,
thinking suicide had eyes prettier than any summer.
Now I know and look back as laughter
understanding why I was like that,
and when I find myself embarrassed or sad
I realize who I am, who we all are,
and an eternal glowing feeling fills my heart.
I take full acceptance for anything anyone has ever thought about me.
Justin Blackburn
www.justinblackburnlovesyou.com